My Family

I have a wonderful family. A weird family, but a wonderful one, none the less. I mean, without the weird, what would I have?? Its like trying to picture Santa Claus without his red hat, red suit, sleigh, etc. Pretty weird right?? But even more so, hard to picture.

Along with this wonderful family, I have a very big family. Seriously. I have a huge family. On family shindigs, we have to reserve a big party reservation & pay that stupid automatically-added-18%-gratuity-thing... But anywayZ, this is just my "technically-not-immediate-but-they-are-family". It's chaos, but after its all done & over with, we spew our guts out laughing.

Most people define family as those who are related by blood or marriage, and while that's the traditional & dictionary definition of family, I disagree. I say that a family are those who would be there in the drop of a hat, bail you out of the crud you put yourself in, help you through the trouble you inevitably find, & beat the crud out of you & beat sense into you at the same time when you need it. It's really infinite & endless the things & lengths your family will go through for you, because they have no option- they just simply love you; and because of that love, that's all the reason they need.
That's a family.

My family is confuZZling. I have 5 siblings, and of them only 1 is "fully biologically" my sibling. I don't see that though. I don't see any of it. I don't see the last names, the different DNAness & such- I just see that we all absolutely love each other, despite our squabbles & the crap we give to each other, and I just see the fact that we'd go to the end of the earth for each other. I love them.
They're no other way to say it- I love them.
I only see that they're my brother & sisters.
My sisters are the coolest, most amaZing & wonderful sisters ever. My brother is the weirdest, but chillest brother ever.

I've gotten into many a debate/more of an argument on my side, in this area. People have told me that "she's not my sister for reals" & I have gotten into the "yeah-huh-nuh-uh" argument.
Because I know that I'd go to the end of the earth for them, and they would do the same for me. That's what a real family is.

And when someone tells me that my sibling is not my sibling, I really have to think- "Then I'm not really God's child, because I'm not a Jew."
I mean, what's the difference??
Try that on for size.

So that's my opinion of family. They keep you in line & on your toes, drive you nuts & make you want to strangle them half the time, call you names, harass you but you can't file a restraining order cuz you need to borrow their shirt, keep your secrets, laugh at your screw ups, go through the impossible to help you out of a rut, can call them at 3 am, and so so much more & most of all- infinitely, wholly, & completely love you.

The Christ in Mass

So Christmas is here(My family thinks that I'm a "Grinch" because I don't like that stores are putting out Christmas decor & such out before its even Halloween, but that's a totally different story & another post in general......).
For me, it's gotta be the happiest & saddest times of the year- bittersweet.
I absolutely ADORE & love everything about the whole season, time, holiday, and the 2 months before hand. I love the feel when walking into stores, the lights, the beautiful decorations, the music, the signature-and-no-other-way-to-explain-it-other-than-it's-Christmas smell, the cards, the malls, the Salvation Army, the pretty gift wrap & bows & ribbons, Christmas trees, mistletoe, Starbucks red cups & Christmas menu, excitement & expectation, the hustle & bustle of craZy mad preparation for that 1 short day, annnnnd my fav & awesome at of alllllll......CHRISTMAS EDITION NERDZ!!!!
I love everything about it!!! Its, simply put- the most wonderful, spectagical time of year.

But for me, there's more, some of it makes me sadish & some of it is invigorating & just makes me fall even more in love with Christmas.

So, all of those things that I listed are pretty much what everyone would say they love about Christmas. And its not bad, not at all, its just when we are so caught up in the little things of Christmas, we often lose sight/focus on what its really & authentically about.
See, while all those things are wonderful & nice, those oftentimes become Christmas. The gifts, the Christmas edition treats & assorts, the lights & decor...becomes Christmas. We get so caught up in making sure that everything's perfect- from the gifts to the tree, that we lose our focus of what the whole thing is really all about.

The word mass means to celebrate, and the word before that is Christ. So if you put those together you get "Celebrate Christ"!! Pretty neat, hmm? So you should be asking yourself now, "Aren't I supposed to celebrate Christ everyday, why just December 25 every year?"
Welllllll cuz only 1 time did God Himself, for you in the form of mankind-sinful & wretched, come to earth in a stinky & smelly stable, to be born to die. A baby, a pure & innocent baby, already condemned to die.
All.
For.
You.

We get caught up in the craZy gifts, shiny pretty little things of this life, that it blinds & robs us of the truth & reality of it all- Christ.
I can buy all the nicest & most amazing gifts for everyone I know, but without the real motive & reason as to WHY, my gifts are nothing. I can prepare for the most amazing Christmas ever, but without the Christ, aka- love, in my reason to prepare it just becomes a complete & utter random day to throw a shin-dig.

So, when the Christmas season gets in full swing, with all the lights, ornaments, & decorations- remember that the only reason there is a Christmas, is all because of Christ.
So, for this Christmas, and the rest of my life, I want to not be distracted or caught up in the pretty, shiny things in this life; but hold on for the hope & promise of what life really is.
And I want to encourage you in this too.



Owl City has this song called The Christmas Song, and I think its my fav Christmas song.

A Successful Friendship

So I've got friends. GASP!!! What is this thing thou speaketh of, homeschooler??!!!
But, seriously, I have been very abundantly blessed by having so many wonderful, caring, loving, & Godly friends. I'm not really sure where or what I would do without having them to keep me in check... delinquent?? Kidding!!

So I was talking to a friend last night, and we were talking & such & the topic of close friends & friendships came up- How you actually get one, how it works, what should be the center of it, and all the things that are the basis. Then we got to how to be close or have a close relationship with someone who is guarded or has walls. You know, those people who are just so closed off & just have a wall??
Well we continued to talk and such & then I said, "Yeah well being walled up isn't really a deal. Or shouldn't be, cuz if the person can break down the other persons walls, they are a true good friend".
She asked what that meant & what I meant about "breaking down" the walls, so I told her.
But what does it mean to break down walls, earn trust, etc?? Like how do you think you do it??  What do you have to do???

The way to break down those walls, is just simply trust. You have to work hard & earn that trust, and in time & with much persistence they will give it to you. And when they do, it will be the most amazing thing you've gotten. And you'll treasure it too, because you've had to put so so much into it- hurts, tears, sweat, stress, & worries, and all in all, yourself. You had to trade yourself for someone else. And when that trust is given over, the walls will crumble. Because that wall is made of insecurities  fear, pain, distrust, and most of all hurts; and you've just proven that you're not ever gonna hurt them. That you absolutely love them & won't hurt them. That don't have to be afraid of getting hurt, rejected, or anything the like.


See, we learn by experience, what to do, not to do, say, not to say, etc. So when we fail at something we take note & know not to do that. So when we are hurt, we build a wall of what to say & what not to say so we don't get hurt. And that wall builds into something that we cling & are attached to. Like a drug, we build a tolerance to it & need it to continue through the day. So it controls our lives. And we turn into something we aren't. We have a mask on basically. And when someone who comes along who cares & loves us so much, that they are willing to tear that mask off, no matter how much you scream & kick & cry. They tear that mask off & they heal the scars & rot of having that mask on with love. They see past your ugly rot & scars, and see someone who is fantastic. And they trade themselves in for you. They give you themselves to show how much they love you. And you learn to do the same. It's really quite magical. 
See, that was me. I was 113% just that person. A girl who had played with fire & got burned too many times. So I gave up on people. I didn't WANT to let anyone know me. I didn't WANT to be open & completely vulnerable. I didn't WANT to come out of my comfort zone. Yet, this girl comes along & smashes my walls, disarms my guard, yanks me out of my comfort zone and my armor falls.
Talk about scary. That was the most terrifying thing that I have experienced. After she sees the "real me", I guess she likes me & decides I'm ok to keep around.

But that's the magical part of it- after they learn you inside & out, this friendship, that was already there, just blossoms. It blooms into this beautiful thing where God is centered & you both love Him & have a personal relationship with Him. With that, comes a God centered relationship & friendship, and those are the TRULY successful friendships.

Holding On & Clinging

So last night was my very first concert ever. Yeah, in all my 16 years I haven't been to a concert until now. Someone said to me, "You deprived child", to which I replied, "I survived somehow"...

But yeah, there ya have it- I'm homeschooled. Those 2 words just explained EVERYTHING.

So anyway, this was Tenth Avenue North's tour of their new album, The Struggle. Epic band, epic album, epic concert.

At this event, I was standing there having a blast, laughing at the crazy fan girl standing next to me, really worshiping The Lord, and just really having some good Me & God time. It was fabulous. 

So they did a bunch of songs and the words spoke to me, but they did one song, called Times and I sat there crying. Yeah, great right?? I go to a concert to have a throw-down, lose my vocals & all the other things that go with a concert, not have a meltdown....Just kidding!

So why the heck was I crying????? The song to me, meant that everything God does in your life is with a purpose. The bad things especially. The trials. The hurts. The things that you pray so very badly will pass over you or that God will just take away.
Just to trust Him in those times and not give in to the want to just throw it all away & let it crumble. To stand there & take it, cuz with God you can handle it. With God you can handle anything.
I was/have been on this "Christian High", and then something happened that made me question & ask God "why". I was angry towards Him because when I finally gave myself over to Him, wholly & completely, He decides to "punish" me. WHY???!!! I started to WANT to serve Him, to WANT to love Him,  to WANT to spend time with Him, to WANT to have a relationship with Him, & He wants to reward that with something that's not of God. So, He just lets it happen. WHY??!!
I was about "to throw in the towel" & give up because I was so discouraged & just hollow & empty feeling. It started to affect my friendships, my relationship with my sisters, my relationship with my parents & other people. I was almost to the breaking point, or very close. I needed to know that God is here, but last night, God sent me a reminder that He's there. He always has & always will be. I need that so badly & His impeccable timing was the among the most beautiful things that's ever happened to me.

So that's the thing that I came out with- Letting God have absolute rule & dominion over your life. Even if it goes to the point of ruin & misery. All those Times God is there and has a reason & purpose for that time in your life. Just hold on & wait for the Lord. Stay strong. Keep calm & carry on. Keep holding on. He loves you, just cling to your faith like nothing else.
I know this sounds so cliche' or whatever, and its all so easy to type this, but when you finish reading this just know that it doesn't get easier, but your faith & God makes you stronger.

Prayer 101

So God has many forms of communication with us- the Bible, ideas, a song, something said, even actions, etc. Those are all great, for sure, but that's just how He talks with us. Whether He's responding to a request, answering a question, or anything that we just want to talk to Him about. This is usually how it works, right?? I mean, it DOES take 2 to have a conversation, or else you just have issues....
So how should we have a conversation with Him??? Think about it, when you have a conversation with anyone person you like to talk to, what do you say or talk about?? Do you go on & on & such or do you stop to listen & get feedback, about the topic, from the other person? No. You start a conversation about a certain anything, and you state you ideas & opinions then you would ask what the other person thought or they would just tell you. That how it works with everyone else, but why not with God??? I mean, He's the One who knows every answer to every question!! He invented questions & answers!! He even knows the square root of pi, squared then cubed!!!
So why are we so demeaning about prayer?? Why are we so complacent about having the opportunity to have a 1 on 1 conversation with the One who gives us our very existence???
Just because we can't see Him, makes no nevermind. Or should anyway. I mean, people have friends they've never met, via Facebook, Twitter, Google + & any other social media site. So talking to the Being who loves us enough to die for us. I can pretty much promise that the friends you haven't met, will not do that for you.

Prayer isn't something that we should do because it's an-almost-necessity to the Christian life that we do before going to bed & at certain times, but praying should be something like talking to a friend. Literally. True & authentic prayer should be something we want to do. Just a random pop-in to say thank you, I love you, ask a random question, ask for help, etc. Those are all the things we talk about & enjoy with friends, so shouldn't talking to God about this stuff be a chore?? I mean think about it, as teens, the parents have to take away the kids telecommunication devices because they won't stop talking to they're friends...But what are they gonna do to make us stop talking to God???? Didn't think so...
Pray does not even need to be "Dear God,.................." or a pastoral prayer, but can just be like your talking to a friend. Cuz hey, you really are. It doesn't have to be formal & ceremonial, because God would  rather have sincerity & authenticity than a long drawn out sermon. He know what is on your heart.
So pray for the the wanting to pray & being more enthusiastic about it.  
To say I don't need to work in this area would be a lie. So I will be praying to pray more earnestly & like a true person who WANTS t pray.
I tell a couple of my friends to always pray & never ever stop, so I will pray for you to pray, NOT BETTER, but more (insert word here). ;)

The Christianity Debate

So Christians have this debate going, and some say agree & others disagree. The controversy that boggles &  starts riots(Christian style...you know what I mean...) is whether Christianity is or isn't a religion. You guys know those t-shirts & such where they say, "Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship".??? That's the argument we like to debate about. Some of my friends say it is a religion, and others say its a relationship. This almost always, ensues an amusing argument between them, which causes me to laugh. But that's neither here nor there....
So what is Christianity???? Is actually the religion or is it the relationship??? Does it have more of the inner workings of a relationship or religion??
Well, first you have to look at Christianity as itself & then compare to other religions.

As Christians, do we have any sort of relationship with our Master, similar/opposite to other religions?
Yes. When we receive salvation, a part of God enters us. This is called the Holy Spirit.
Jesus told the disciples, before He ascended to Heaven that they were to wait in Jerusalem for the Promise of the Father to be endued with the power from high. Jesus is telling them that He will always be with them until He returns. This is a sign of a relationship.
So, it is safe to say that Christianity is a relationship.
But is it a religion?
Technically, yes. How?? Being religious is anything that involves a personal belief in anything spiritual or having to do with the spirit.
But what makes it different from the very many religions out there, is that we have a relationship inside our religion. In fact, our relationship with Christ, is the very foundation of it(So, the religion part of Christianity, is for label & bookstore purposes only).
Other religions such as Mormonism, don't have a relationship at all. Yes, they believe in Jesus Christ. Yes, they believe He died. But they do not believe He is God & that He resurrected. They believe that by doing good works, they will ultimately make it to Heaven. Where is the relationship between God & us??

So Christianity, it is a religion. But Christianity is the only religion that has a relationship with God, as our basis. And if we treat it as a relationship, the religion part of it all, will be nothing more than a label.

Dress For Success

So everyone owns clothing, & everyone wears them(I hope...). But the thing with your clothes is they're yours. When getting your clothes, you can pick what colors you like, what kind of style you like, what patterns you like, what brands, what logos & graphics, etc.
Those are just something's you factor when picking them.
But the thing is, when picking clothes, most people choose clothes that others think cool or sophisticated. That's not really bad, because you naturally like to be cool & sophisticated, so you, in turn like the clothes too.
Now, this post is more for a girl than a guy, because more guys don't seem to care about their clothes. As long as they have a tshirt & jeans, it doesn't really matter. Not to offend you guys who do or don't like clothes, that's just the way you operate.
Now, by society's standards, the more revealing the article of clothing, the more it is considered "glamorous & sophisticated" or "sexy". And if you are not sophisicated or cool, then you're basically pathetic.
That's just society's opinions & ideas. And, of course, there's none more important that what society thinks of us, right???
However, God says that "a woman of charcter is worth far more than rubies." And, fact- rubies are worth more, carrat for carrat, than a diamond.
But the world sees our character from the outside. If we dress inapropriately, then the world will find us that way. And if we dress like we are setting an example for Christ, the world will percieve us that way. If we don't, they won't.
Not only does how we dress say how we set the example, but it tells about us personally. How much respect ourselves, our propriety, dignity, etc. 
I'm not saying that we can't or even shouldn't wear cool cute clothes. We can do that. I'm just saying that we need to dress modestly for Christ. Whatever you think is appropriate & modest is up to you. If you dont/do think that skinny jeans are appropriate, that's fine. Its up to you & you're the one wearing them. If you do/don't think tank tops are appropriate, that's fine. Its up to you & you're the one wearing them.
Just be aware of how you set the example & represent Christ through how you dress.
 

This Is My Speech

So everyone does it, and you, yourself can't deny it. Everybody talks. Even if someone is deaf or mute, they communicate using sign language or however else they might talk. But see, the thing with speech, is it can work in 1 of 2 ways- it can make someone happy & uplifted, or it can make them hurt & angry. And this is where you come in.
You are the one who decides whether or not that person you communicate with is going to be uplifted or discouraged.  
As Christians, we should aim to represent Christ in an exceptional way. One of the biggest ways we do that is through our words. How others hear us talk to each other & others, is how they will perceive Christ. If we have bad speech it not only makes ourselves look bad, but even more importantly it makes Christ, and what He stands for, look like nothing more than a joke.

Why people need to even use bad language confuses me. Yeah, you stubbed your toe, and yeah I kinda can guess that it would hurt, but really???
I mean, not only does it diminish your intelligence, but it kinda makes you a not-so-great-fun-peep-to be around...
And when I say bad language, I don't mean like "shut up" to your friends in a playful way & such, but I mean inappropriate. Inappropriate is up to you. If you think that shut up is not appropriate, that's fine; but I'm pretty sure, since all of us live in a corrupt & sinful world, we do know what inappropriate is.

I fail in this area on a daily basis, saying things that ought not be said at all, but yet I do, sadly.
I have been praying that God will help me set the example better in this area & I think He is...

So Imma challenge you to think about what you say. If you wouldn't say it in front of Jesus, well...you get the idea.

What Is Love??

Love. What is it? What is love? Is it a feeling? A heart?? An emotion??? An idea???? A thought?????
When you say you love something, do you stop to really think about what it means? Is love just a transitive verb you use when talking about something? I'm not saying that it's bad to use love to describe your strong like about something, I don't really care & it has been accepted by society for a descriptive word. But I'm just curious, what do you think is the real definition of love?? What do you think love really & authentically means??

Dictionaries tell us that it's a strong feeling & emotional attachment or bond, but the Bible says that true love is shown through your actions. Meaning, you have to do something. You have to express it through your deeds. And the saying goes like this- "Actions speak louder than words". And they really do in this case.
Paul tells us that we can do all the good deeds in the world, and if we haven't the motivation of love, it is nothing.

Love suffers long & is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely; does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, the will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. - I Corinthians 13:4-8

There are different kinds of love, yes. But they all need the above elements to be even labeled as love.
Jesus said that, "there is no greater love than this- than  to lay down one's life for his friends." Annnnnd He, very coincidentally, said this just a bit before He was crucified. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd He told His disciples this. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd He carried out this proclamation, showing the greatest & truest love ever. THAT is real love.
Love is not a feeling, emotion, thought, or anything the like. Love is an action. Love is active & doing what it proclaims. Love is showing your love to others. Love is an everyday action to live out.
God is love. With out Him, we wouldn't have the capability & capacity to love truly.

A Higher Standard

So why is it that everyone has this tiny issue with this thing called forgiveness??? Like when that guy'll say something or that girl will make a snide comment we get mad. Sure the getting angry part is natural, but what we do in our moment of anger is what gets us in trouble. We decide to feel it necessary to retaliate & get the last word in. And this is pretty much the same for everyone. It really is bad cuz, we're supposed to be held to a higher standard as Christians, because everything that Christ stands for is the most difficult to proclaim & encourage others to do in a world that makes it so very hard to do & live by ourselves. It is so hard to encourage & urge others to do, when we struggle with the very same things! It's like telling your sister that she is weird for watching Tellatubbies, when you watch the Wiggles!! This is called hypocrisy.

As Christians, all of our thoughts, actions, words, and so much more should be all for the glory & edification of Christ & His kingdom.
I Timothy 4:12 tells us that as Christians, we should "...Set the example for the believers in speech, life, love, faith & purity." So basically, in everything we do, it reflects on our Master. We, as representatives, tell what kind of God we serve. If we represent Christ in a manner that suggests that He is like how we treat others, then what will other people think??? Our object is to bring others to Christ, so if they see us acting the opposite of Christ, what does that say about us?? More importantly, what does that say about Christ???
I am not the best person to be writing about this, because I mess up in this area too many times in a day, but my hope & prayer is that I will become a better representative for Christ. I know that I will never reach the status of "The Perfect Christian", but the Christian walk is never finished or perfected.

My New Year

So 16 years ago, I came into this world & I'm not too thrilled with the idea of the "Sweet 16".
I didn't/don't want to turn 16, because being 15 for 365 days, was the coolest thing. I learned so much, did exciting things, met new people, grew in my walk with God drastically, and so much much more.
Yes, there were quite a few bad things in that year, and they hurt a lot; but in the end, most of the things turned out better in some way or another.
Another, and the main reason, I don't want to turn 16 is that it will be another year of my life that I hurt people, sinned, and ruined what God had planned for man in the very very beginning. So another year of knowing that horrible, but inevitable things, is discouraging & disappointing to myself- and also, I know that by the time the next set of digits come around, I will have disappointed God. THAT is the real discouraging thing.
Another slight thing compared to the previous & main reason, is that right now things aren't so great for me. And I'm trying so hard to cling, for dear life, to my faith, God, & His promises; but in it all the idea of starting another year on this note, seems something like an omen or a precedence being set, maybe...

But the thing is, I've to trust God with every fiber in my being & just keep my walk with Him a constant & ongoing effort.
Having a walk with Christ is the most difficult thing humanly possible. Actually, it's not even humanly possible. If not for the Holy Spirit & a supernatural happening, at the time of salvation, we would fail. No, not fail, because fail implies that you actually tried to do something. If we didn't have this little thing called faith with the presence of the Holy Spirit, there would be absolutely nothing to fail at. Our walk with Christ would be nonexistent. So our walk with Christ isn't humanly possible, much less, easy in the least.
So my goal for this next year is to not increase the siZe of my faith, but my faith's quality.
When Jesus said that if I have faith the siZe of a mustard seed, I can move mountains; he wasn't talking about the siZe, but rather the quality.
I want my faith to be Jesus' Quality Standard. :0)

What's Next?????

So it's my last year of high-school, and I've been thinking last night, & lately, a lot, A LOT, about what's next. So what IS next??? What am I gonna end up doing??? Yeah sure, I have plans & such, but the problem with plans is very often, plans don't go according to plan.
The thing I want most (I figured this out like just last night) is to actually, for reals, let God do what He may with my life(it's taken long enough, it's about time, I know I know).
I mean, throughout my life I've been running with my own agenda; and God has sent tons of wake up calls over the years: sermons, heartbreaks, even a death, etc. I just never got it. Well I got it, but I just never listened.
So I was up all of last night thinking and thinking, and I remember just a voice saying "I AM". That's it. It sounds crazy & totally nonsensical in this context, but when I heard that, I felt all these emotions & something else I can't explain, just going on. And that's when I broke down crying. I cried and cried. It was like God had came in and broken me again.
Earlier this year, I went to a leadership camp. The theme of this was Surrender; that meaning to be broken towards God. Coming to Him completely & wholly ready to do whatever. A feeling of total ruin and horror with yourself that you've been so hard & arrogant to God; and God really got through to me and created a fault line in me. I thought I was broken, but last night told me I definitely was not. Not yet, at least.
But now I am. Last night was in the top 5 most hurting & painful nights of my existence. Because I realized, not only was I hurting myself, but I was actually inviting hurt and pains to come on in. If I had just listened to God's wake up call the first time, when it was soft & more of a tap on the shoulder, then I wouldn't have had to have things turn into a mangled disaster. But I can see now that it's so much better, that those hurts from not breaking from the get go, are in a healing transition state.
I'm finally truly His, & He is finally mine.
I finally understood this song.
Well, I understood it before, but now I REALLY do understand it, & it actually means something to me.

A Blog for God

So, this is my secondary, other, & second blog. It's been my goal to start a blog that just really emphasizes what God has/is doing now in my life, and life in general. I'm very much doubting this blog will ever be found, but if so, this is the less(by a lot) personal edition of a journal-like work of mine.

First, I'd like to start by just answering your question of "What the heck is the name of the blog & why???!!!".
I don't really know why I chose that name. I kinda do, but I seriously can't explain it. You'll have to hook a wire thingy to my head & read my thoughts from a monitor to figure it out...

Ok, so this is the first post of the blog that I'm giving to God. It's His official blog, He can do what He wants with it. I'm just the typer/secretary. I probably won't really be able to post a whole lot, but hopefully oftenish...