Monday, October 29, 2012

A Successful Friendship

So I've got friends. GASP!!! What is this thing thou speaketh of, homeschooler??!!!
But, seriously, I have been very abundantly blessed by having so many wonderful, caring, loving, & Godly friends. I'm not really sure where or what I would do without having them to keep me in check... delinquent?? Kidding!!

So I was talking to a friend last night, and we were talking & such & the topic of close friends & friendships came up- How you actually get one, how it works, what should be the center of it, and all the things that are the basis. Then we got to how to be close or have a close relationship with someone who is guarded or has walls. You know, those people who are just so closed off & just have a wall??
Well we continued to talk and such & then I said, "Yeah well being walled up isn't really a deal. Or shouldn't be, cuz if the person can break down the other persons walls, they are a true good friend".
She asked what that meant & what I meant about "breaking down" the walls, so I told her.
But what does it mean to break down walls, earn trust, etc?? Like how do you think you do it??  What do you have to do???

The way to break down those walls, is just simply trust. You have to work hard & earn that trust, and in time & with much persistence they will give it to you. And when they do, it will be the most amazing thing you've gotten. And you'll treasure it too, because you've had to put so so much into it- hurts, tears, sweat, stress, & worries, and all in all, yourself. You had to trade yourself for someone else. And when that trust is given over, the walls will crumble. Because that wall is made of insecurities  fear, pain, distrust, and most of all hurts; and you've just proven that you're not ever gonna hurt them. That you absolutely love them & won't hurt them. That don't have to be afraid of getting hurt, rejected, or anything the like.


See, we learn by experience, what to do, not to do, say, not to say, etc. So when we fail at something we take note & know not to do that. So when we are hurt, we build a wall of what to say & what not to say so we don't get hurt. And that wall builds into something that we cling & are attached to. Like a drug, we build a tolerance to it & need it to continue through the day. So it controls our lives. And we turn into something we aren't. We have a mask on basically. And when someone who comes along who cares & loves us so much, that they are willing to tear that mask off, no matter how much you scream & kick & cry. They tear that mask off & they heal the scars & rot of having that mask on with love. They see past your ugly rot & scars, and see someone who is fantastic. And they trade themselves in for you. They give you themselves to show how much they love you. And you learn to do the same. It's really quite magical. 
See, that was me. I was 113% just that person. A girl who had played with fire & got burned too many times. So I gave up on people. I didn't WANT to let anyone know me. I didn't WANT to be open & completely vulnerable. I didn't WANT to come out of my comfort zone. Yet, this girl comes along & smashes my walls, disarms my guard, yanks me out of my comfort zone and my armor falls.
Talk about scary. That was the most terrifying thing that I have experienced. After she sees the "real me", I guess she likes me & decides I'm ok to keep around.

But that's the magical part of it- after they learn you inside & out, this friendship, that was already there, just blossoms. It blooms into this beautiful thing where God is centered & you both love Him & have a personal relationship with Him. With that, comes a God centered relationship & friendship, and those are the TRULY successful friendships.



Friday, October 26, 2012

Holding On & Clinging

So last night was my very first concert ever. Yeah, in all my 16 years I haven't been to a concert until now. Someone said to me, "You deprived child", to which I replied, "I survived somehow"...
But yeah, there ya have it- I'm homeschooled. Those 2 words just explained EVERYTHING.
So anyway, this was Tenth Avenue North's tour of their new album, The Struggle. Epic band, epic album, epic concert.

At this event, I was standing there having a blast, laughing at the crazy fan girl standing next to me, really worshiping The Lord, and just really having some good Me & God time. It was fabulous. 
So they did a bunch of songs and the words spoke to me, but they did one song, called Times and I sat there crying. Yeah, great right?? I go to a concert to have a throw-down, lose my vocals & all the other things that go with a concert, not have a meltdown....Just kidding!

So why the heck was I crying????? The song to me, meant that everything God does in your life is with a purpose. The bad things especially. The trials. The hurts. The things that you pray so very badly will pass over you or that God will just take away.
Just to trust Him in those times and not give in to the want to just throw it all away & let it crumble. To stand there & take it, cuz with God you can handle it. With God you can handle anything.
I was/have been on this "Christian High", and then something happened that made me question & ask God "why". I was angry towards Him because when I finally gave myself over to Him, wholly & completely, He decides to "punish" me. WHY???!!! I started to WANT to serve Him, to WANT to love Him,  to WANT to spend time with Him, to WANT to have a relationship with Him, & He wants to reward that with something that's not of God. So, He just lets it happen. WHY??!!
I was about "to throw in the towel" & give up because I was so discouraged & just hollow & empty feeling. It started to affect my friendships, my relationship with my sisters, my relationship with my parents & other people. I was almost to the breaking point, or very close. I needed to know that God is here, but last night, God sent me a reminder that He's there. He always has & always will be. I need that so badly & His impeccable timing was the among the most beautiful things that's ever happened to me.

So that's the thing that I came out with- Letting God have absolute rule & dominion over your life. Even if it goes to the point of ruin & misery. All those Times God is there and has a reason & purpose for that time in your life. Just hold on & wait for the Lord. Stay strong. Keep calm & carry on. Keep holding on. He loves you, just cling to your faith like nothing else.
I know this sounds so cliche' or whatever, and its all so easy to type this, but when you finish reading this just know that it doesn't get easier, but your faith & God makes you stronger.